so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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