I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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