So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
