You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
