how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
