U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
