Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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