Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
