I accidentally had phone sex last night
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize