The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
