The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
