Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
