Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
