im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
