i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think my moral compass just broke
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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