i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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