Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
