No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
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Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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