I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
