Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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