listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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