I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
