Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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