??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
