I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
