I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize