i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
