If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
