i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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