We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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