fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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