a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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