On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When did we convert life to cartoon?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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