my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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