Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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