They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
