nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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