This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize