i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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