i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
