Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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