too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
