how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
