The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
