I wannas sexs uuuuu
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
