First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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