The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
