she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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