we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
