I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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