if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
