i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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