Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
