your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
