I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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