what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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