Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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