I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
