It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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