dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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