Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
