Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
