I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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