Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
